Sunday, December 14, 2008

Rowan Atkinson - A Warm Welcome

A Rowan Atkinson as the Devil in Hell funny monologue.

Ah hello! It's nice to see you all here.
As the more perceptive of you probably realised by now, this is Hell.
And I am the Devil.
Good evening.
But you can call me Toby, if you like.
We try to keep things informal in here, as well as infernal.
That's just a little joke of mine.
I tell it every time. Now, you're all here for ....
Eternity! Ooh, which I hardly need tell you is a heck of a long time,
so you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end.
But for now I'm going to have to split you up in groups.
Will you stop Screaming!
Thank you.

Now, murderers? Murderers over here, please.
Thank you.
Looters and Pillagers over here. Thieves, if you could join them,
and Lawyers, you're in that lot too.

Fornicators, if you could step forward?
My God, there is a lot of you!
Could I split you up into Adulterers and the rest.
Male adulterers, if you could just form a line in front of
that small Guillotine in the corner.
Thank you.

Em ... The French, are you here?
If you could just like to come down here with the Germans.
I'm sure you have plenty to talk about.

Okay, atheists? Atheists over here please.
You must be feeling a right bunch of Nitwits.
Never mind.
And finally, christians. Christians?
Ah, yes, I'm sorry, I'm afraid the Jews were right.
If you would come down here,
that would be really fine, thank you.

Okay! Right, well are there any questions?
Yes. No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets.
If you read your Bible, you might have seen that it wass damnation
without relief.
So if you did not go before you came,
then I'm afraid you're not going to
enjoy yourself very much, but then I believe that's the idea.

Okay. Well, it's over to you Adolf!
And I'll catch you all later at the barbecue. Bye!

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