American Christians on YouTube have attempted to redefine Atheism in order to control the discussion. Using the same methods, but using factual information, I demonstrate what that ends up looking like when applied to Christianity in America.
Christianity defined for you!
Several christians on YouTube have been gracious enough to define atheism for me. While I always thought that atheism simply meant that I didn't believe in gods, these generous christians took the time to explain the deeper meaning of what I did not believe.
Now, I'd like to return the favor and define christianity for them. I will use the same methodology as my christian friends; namely, I will use the most publicized viewpoints of christians. I will be selective in my choices. But, I will go one step further...I will show actual examples of christians practicing their faith.
So, let's get started....
This is the leader of all christians. He is the Pope. He is gods representative on earth. He tells christians what to believe. And he is never wrong. How do we know? Cause he says so, that's how.
And thats a good thing because there are so many different bibles, its hard to know which one to read. Turns out, you don't have to read any of them. The church has a lot of people who's job it is to read the holy books for you.
To be a Christian, you first have to accept Jesus as your personal savior. Now, Jesus was not like any other jewish person. There was something...i don't know...blonder about him. Many christian historians agree that he probably looked like James Franco.
So, now that you know Jesus, you get to live your life the way he wanted you to...
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1. This is what you get for transportation. You also have to learn carpentry. And you can't fight for your country if its under attack. But, oatmeal really is good for you, after all.
2. You have to dance around in circles like this. You can make a very fine bed, but you can't have sex in it. Sex is not allowed.
3. You get a clean set of magical underwear. These are bullet proof. And you get your own planet when you die.
4. Brown people can't go to heaven. Sorry, brown people. Brigham Young said so. He was a christian prophet and they are never wrong.
5. Or there might be a seperate, but equal, heaven for them. Nazi's and death row inmates can go to regular heaven.
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6. Snake handling is good. I'm not sure why. But its the right thing to do. Of course, if a poisonous snake bites you, remember....
7. No blood transfusions. Not a drop. You can't give blood, either. same deal. No matter what a judge says, faith healing is better than so-called sciency devil medicine. Besides, God is the real judge.
8. All the good things about America are based on jesus. Including the government. Jesus wrote the constitution. Being pregnant or counting money is bad, I think. Maybe using cell phones, too. At least when Jesus is talking.
9. If you get confused about the rules, there are a lot of famous christians who will gladly tell you what to think. Like how gay people cause natural disasters.
10. God hates the koran. and space shuttles and America and gay people. And soldiers. And children . And you.
I hope this was clear for all you christians. I tried to include all of you and put you into one neat little package the way you did for me.
No need to thank me. It was my pleasure.
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Now, while everything I have shown you is factual, the composite picture of these facts is not an accurate depiction of how most Christians view themselves. But this is what it looks like when you demonize people for not sharing your beliefs in your god.
Maybe its time for you to look at all people another way.
Video and text by: A Human Being Being Human.
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Parody/Criticism
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